Showing posts with label Those don't live Near. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Those don't live Near. Show all posts


"The Book of Me, Written by You" - Who Do You Miss?

This is a journey of finding yourself and how your loved ones see you in their eyes. Further, this can be online and carried forward to share, if you wish, to future generations.
This is a journey of finding yourself and how your loved ones see you in their eyes. Further, this can be online and carried forward to share, if you wish, to future generations. - See more at:
This is a journey of finding yourself and how your loved ones see you in their eyes. Further, this can be online and carried forward to share, if you wish, to future generations. - See more at:
The prompt for the week is:    
Who Do You Miss?
The Brief:

  • Whether that is people who live elsewhere and that we will not see over the festive season 
  • People that have passed away.
  • Who do you miss?
  • Why do you miss them?
  • Them as an individual 
  • Something specific to them
This is a very interesting question to me. I live in a country where I have no direct relatives and I wish some of the people that have passed. Depending on what I'm doing and feeling is who I miss.  Because I have such a wide break down, I'm going to break it down into 2 sections - Those who have Passed and Those who don't live Near.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~Those who have Passed ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

My Grandmother

My grandmother (on my father's side) Genowefa (nee Wojtkowska) Schmitz or Jean Schmitz. I always remember her especially around Christmas as I remember past Christmas' and visiting with her at my father's. She was one of the major reasons why I went to my father's parties. I always remember her on Christmas Eve (some years its around this time) by baking her Polish bow ties as we called them.
What we call Bow Ties
I remember one year, she asked me what I wanted for Christmas and, besides spending time with her, it was the Polish cookies. When I make these, its like a tiny celebration of the times we spent together and what we did. If only I could have one more Christmas....

My last Christmas card from my grandmother
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My uncle, John Schmitz. He was such a kind man who always had time for everyone. He was taken way too soon from us. Sometimes I just want to sit and talk to him and see what sense he would make out of today's world and what's going on in it. He was one of those who would know if you just needed company without words or a hug.
My Uncle
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My grandmother (on my mother's side) and the person who I was named after (besides my mother) Janet (nee Jagodzinsk) Gauquie. I think of her around Thanksgiving as that was the only holiday I ever spent with her when I was between the ages of 6-9. I always wished we knew which hospital she was in (as she would be moved around without them telling us), wished we pushed more to be with her more somehow, and let her know no one forgot about her - we all loved her but due to the hospital, we couldn't spent or see her as much as would have liked.

The hospital, which my grandfather on my mother's side checked her into, would frequently move my grandmother around. Even after we notified them (many times) and made sure they amended her records which we viewed, about my mother being her next of kin, having all of the details for when she passed, etc, we were never notified. We only found out by accident my grandmother was 15 minutes away from us the last few times we saw her. However, within weeks of us visiting a few times, she was moved and all the staff could tell us was she was transferred.

It was only upon starting to do genealogy of the family, I found out she had passed and only lived 15 minutes away from where I grew up.

This being said, I'm not sure how long it will take me, but I want an explanation from the staff and State of New York. I want her medical records to show what exactly was done and what exactly she was committed for. I swear, if those records read "emotional issues" I'm going to give them emotional!

Personally, I think they were under direction from my grandfather (somehow even after he passed) to never let her family with her. I think she probably tried to stand up for herself and as my grandfather couldn't "control his wife" the only he could think to do was to have her committed. After awhile I believe they took away her spirit but not her life. Its all very sad, but I want to her to be treated, in death, with a bit more dignity than what she was treated when she was alive.

That being said, the one Thanksgiving we had with her as a family, I think she loved as I sat there watching her eyes, and STILL remember a tiny bit of spark coming into them even though they had her medicated up to her eyeballs. I think she was fighting as hard as she could to come out and be with us, but just couldn't fight the drugs enough. 

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Our first baby, Jamie Sweetpea. The baby IS with us all the time; however between the 17 November and New Year's is the hardest part.  Each year we formally remember the 2 babies we've lost by putting a remembrance ornament on the tree. In between Christmases, we put the ornaments on our bookshelves with other important mementos. Further, the end of June, when Jamie, would have been born is another time where I sit and reflect. We do have a statue outside which is an angel for Jamie as well. 

Its hard to believe that as of this year, Jamie would have been 10 years old. Another person gone too soon for my liking.

A gift from when we lost Jamie
Our remembrance ornaments

The heartbeat of Jamie Sweatpea


    ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~  

 I could go on and on about who I miss that has passed, but I've picked the top people who come to my mind at the moment.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~Those don't live Near ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 
I actually try and make time to call over and talk to all the major people, that are family, each year. The last 2 years I haven't made it, but I do try. Last year was because we went away over Christmas. This year it was because I was busy trying to go away just after Christmas. I did make it through about 1/2 the list and about 1/2 of them I left messages for.

I would love for those who I generally speak to on or around Christmas day, I would like to visit. This year I would love to sit down and talk to my father (as my mother won't talk to me about this) about more of the family history. As usual, when I spoke to my father the 2 times (I called him once and he called me) we had really good conversations about it. I asked what I thought was a simple question and found out much more than expected about my great grandfather, grandmother and grandfather. I loved it and it explained so much.

My nieces and their children I would love to be around.  Christmas is for children and they all have them now. Its a magical time of the year when the kids' faces light right up.

If I believed in miracles, and was granted one, I would have everyone - past and present - together for Christmas and get along - no fights, calling names, or any other nastiness. I would love to see what those have passed would take of the youth today. Then the adults in the group, it would be great to see them all together and catching up with everyone's lives. The downside of this, is that this miracle - I don't believe - will ever be realized.

Check back for the continuation of "The Book of me, Written by You" series.