This is a journey of finding yourself and how your loved ones see you in their eyes. Further, this can be online and carried forward to share, if you wish, to future generations. - See more at: http://joannfitz.blogspot.com.au/2013/09/the-book-of-me-written-by-you-topic-1.html#sthash.2TuO2bVu.dpuf
This is a journey of finding yourself and how your loved ones see you in their eyes. Further, this can be online and carried forward to share, if you wish, to future generations. - See more at: http://joannfitz.blogspot.com.au/2013/09/the-book-of-me-written-by-you-topic-1.html#sthash.2TuO2bVu.dpuf
The prompt for the week is:Regrets
- Big Regrets - I should (or not) have bought that large purchase
- Small Regrets - I should (or not) have had that thick shake at MacDonalds
- Miscellaneous Regrets
- Relationships
- Jobs
- Friends
I've been looking at what I've done throughout my life, and conscientiously made the decision to live life in a way that I can look into the mirror and think that I've done my best in life. Further, I know, within myself, if I can make decisions which back up what I know my rights and values are in life, then if I was to leave the earth tomorrow, I could leave peacefully without any regrets from that point onwards. This is how I've lived my life since I made this decision.
Big Regrets
The big regrets I don't really have. I have concerns about children and if we can't have them. I do regret that we might not be able to, but its due to infertility. I know my losing weight would help, but I've done what most women have done and they've successfully lost weight, so I know its the infertility issues helping the weight issues in this problem. And I know as much as I might regret it, I've done everything within my power (and other people's powers) to become pregnant. As we're still going through this whirlwind of conceiving - this is to remain in questions for a few years yet.
Employment
However, within the last few years I found this point of view was getting sorely tested because of what was happening in my business life. I didn't like it and what it was turning me into. At the time, it was really tough to act according to my morals and beliefs, but I didn't want to leave because of the support I was giving to the organizations and community and the belief I had the work that was being done was important and not just paper shuffling. However, by the organization forcing retrenchments, and that was hard in itself as we all have bills and need money, this tug of war came to an end. It took a bit to redirect my thinking and doing, but now everything is back in balance and I'm much happier.
I do regret not being able to find a stable job. I know when I was in the US, once I got into working, I always had an abundance of places looking to hire me. True, it wasn't within the IT sector, but at least it was using my skills in different areas. However, since I've moved to Australia, something happens and I ended retrenched and out of a job. There is no clue why this is the case in both times I've been retrenched, as managers have always praised the job I do and how well I do my job. I do hope I find employment that keeps me longer than 6 years this time around.
Friends
I am proud to say that I've had some of my friends since I was in first grade at Walden Elementary School which is well over 35 years now. We have gone through a lot in that time but we all still can get together and act like we're our younger selves. I've been told many times that I have NOT changed. This means that I am living truthfully and I cannot regret that. A smaller regret is not being there at times from family and friends, but if I can possibly be there, I am there and they know this. Its tougher living so far away at times, but we do try and keep up with each other with the phone, Facebook and Skype. Harder is not necessarily meaning NOT there - you just have to try that little bit harder if you really want it.
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| Friends from school in 2010 |
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| Friends from school in 1991 |
Family
Family has always been a subject that's more love and hate than anything. I love them all, but at times I hate them as well.
I do regret, for what its worth, not taking more time out just to talk and ask questions to and with my paternal grandmother, Jean. That being said, when she passed I was only in my early teens, so every child isn't so keen on doing this, but hindsight is a great thing. I do know I would have loved to get my camera and take a picture of my maternal, and namesake, grandmother, Janet. If nothing else, we would have a picture to remember her by. Further, I would have written down the last place she lived and would have fought NY to have them tell me where she was living, so I could have developed more of a relationship with her. Again hindsight is a great thing, but I am looking for places I can go to get her records released...its just taking me time to track it down, but I will prevail.
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| Some immediate & extended family at my Uncle's funeral (2002) Immediate family missing are sister's Jean and Theresa |
I don't regret anything I've done, but I do wish my whole immediate family were closer - it would be great to have a family reunion where everyone comes along and has a huge picnic and plays games for the day. The reality of this would be if we even tried it, we would need bodyguards for certain family members and/or murders would be committed, others would be so distanced from the other it would like they were on another planet, and there are a few that would get along but the fear is always how long would they get along for?
I guess one of the bigger regrets is when a dear family member was hurt by someone, I wasn't there the one time she needed someone to protect her. However, no one, not even myself, could see what was happening, so nothing was done. However, once it was brought to our whole family's attention, we banded together. Everyone was scared that I would go after the person who hurt the family member, and so they watched me. I wouldn't regret what I would do if I EVER got my hands on him, but I know, from the one time I had seen that person and the way he ran, that he will always keep a wide berth of me because he knows what I WOULD do if I ever did get that close to him.
That being said, if things go on within families and others do not know, they they cannot act. However, its how you handle the knowledge of those things once you know about them. I do know that I've ALWAYS acted once I had knowledge of goings-on. In fact, one of these goings-on, I didn't speak to one of my sisters for years because of it. We have made up, to a point, but the relationship is forever ruined by what she did.
Families are precious and if anyone decided to abuse or hurt any of them, and I found out about it, even now, keep looking over that shoulder because I will never stop looking for them. Would I regret this, no, because these types of people bring this stuff onto themselves. I wouldn't go looking for them, but if our paths ever crossed, I would serious warn them to run and get as far as they could from me.
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