This
is a journey of finding yourself and how your loved ones see you in
their eyes. Further, this can be online and carried forward to share,
if you wish, to future generations.
This
is a journey of finding yourself and how your loved ones see you in
their eyes. Further, this can be online and carried forward to share,
if you wish, to future generations. - See more at:
http://joannfitz.blogspot.com.au/2013/09/the-book-of-me-written-by-you-topic-1.html#sthash.2TuO2bVu.dpuf
This
is a journey of finding yourself and how your loved ones see you in
their eyes. Further, this can be online and carried forward to share,
if you wish, to future generations. - See more at:
http://joannfitz.blogspot.com.au/2013/09/the-book-of-me-written-by-you-topic-1.html#sthash.2TuO2bVu.dpuf
The prompt for the week is:
Genealogical Tapestry
The Brief:
Our lives can be defined as a tapestry. Clear threads, isolated from
each other, yet coming together to represent a life. A full potential of
being. What threads define you?
If I was to take a tapestry and adjust it to my life, then it would be very interesting indeed. I would start with all the different times in my life and then lead it to now. Below would be how I would view it.
Birth to age 4
With this part of my life, I would say it would be crowded, crazy and full of all types of colors - from red (fighting) to blue (streak of swearing) to yellow (for happier days) and then you have all the times in between. I would say the colors wouldn't be all in a line - they would be squiggle and all over the place because that's what I can remember feeling.
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| Birth to age 4 |
Age 4 to age 9
In this part, would be mainly be slowing down, colors fairly dark and lightening up in color. However, the red (fighting) would be back at certain times. These are usually when my parents had to actually talk about things. When I say talk, it would be who would want to over power or win that battle on that day. However, at times the color would go to a deep dark black like the color of charcoal when things would happen in life. You learn to deal with those times. The lines would be fairly straight until the battles begin and the they would spike with all the words used.
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| Age 4 - 9 |
Aged 10 to age 18
This would be one of the most stable time in my life. The colors would be moderately bright and straight because fights didn't happen, no power struggles really. Everyone seemed to be enjoying life. However there were times when the deep dark black charcoal color would appear and you would deal with things. Lines would be straight with very little spikes.
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| Age 10 to 18 |
Aged 18 to age 23
At this point things got hectic and I felt like I had whiplash. Between work, school and relationships all going this way and that it was a very turbulent time. You'd wake up that day and want to say screw it and pull the covers over your head. Talk about the color of the rainbow, spikes of lines and squiggles all over the place. You always felt like you were on an amusement park ride. Every.Single.Day. The colors were all over the place and sometimes you had the color of the rainbow all within a day. All you could do was hang on and hold your breath. At times I really didn't know how I was going to survive, but the important part was I did.
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| Age 18 to 23 |
Aged 24 to 25
Things started to even out and I could finally stop for a breath and start to think about life and the future. Colors were a very medium and very average but by the time I married things were good - and I felt happy for the first time what seemed years. Truly happy and only getting better. Of course there were blips like the 3 fires we had around the time we married, but as long as no one was hurt, those things could and did get worked through. Life was a nice straight line and a nice happy yellow.
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| Pic taken from https://mayiblessyou.wordpress.com/2011/10/23/what-are-your-happy-colors/ |
Aged 25 to 31
Things were still pretty good and we were all happy. There were times when things could have been better, but overall we were very happy and content. We built and moved into our own home, owned some dogs, and had stable jobs. The one thing that still eluted us was making us a family - children. It wasn't like we weren't trying - we were. We went in for tests, day surgeries to check, went on medication but still nothing. Then I lost my job and then things went from yellow to red to grey. The lines looked like a heart monitor with the blips - some times going in a straight line with contentedness and then something would happen and it would spike it and usually that would be either to do with the job or with trying for a baby.
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| Pic taken from https://www.anzcourtside.co.nz/objects/component-object/85/10/48/481085/images/beach-rainbow-art_713245.jpg |
Aged 32 to Present
During these times, its like being on the roller coaster ride again. Some days its great and others make you hold that breath. The colors are all over the place - happy, sad, content, devastated. During this
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| Pic from http://www.nzrentacar.co.nz/blog/travel-tourism/school-holidays-in-auckland.html |
point, we've lost babies and have never - yet - had even a birth even if it was stillborn. We've done IVF, which all failed, and are looking around going is this it. I found employment for it to go spastic and then them to cut positions due to budget. I've had health problems and the list goes on. The colors are all over - sometimes many within one day. The lines have the deepest of lows and the highest of highs as well. Sometimes they are like the mountain range that you would see if you looked at Everest...slowly going up and the big gashes going down.
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| Pic from http://images.jambase.com/fans/kodamatours/everest%20range%20pic.jpg |
One of the biggest changes? I've always had stages in my life with very little to tie things together. However, in the last 6 months or so, I've learned about more of my ancestors and have found cousins and not just a few. Learning about all of these are helping to make my life from singular lines into lines which are becoming more webbed. I've always felt so isolated and alone, however, I'm finding I'm not so alone - I have cousins and an uncle out there. I have others and those connections are making my life a bit more webbed in togetherness than I've ever had before.
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| My new relationship web - notice how the blue have the green and yellows? Where they might still be different and move away but are still connected? Where as the black dots are more and more isolated until one of those black spots turns yellow and reconnects with later generations. This yellow dot is me. |
Some people things think I'm doing genealogy to "start shit" or think this of me. I have no idea why as I'm a person who does not like confrontations but if someone pushes hard enough or someone I can about hard enough, I will push back. I just want to feel there are others out there that are family - love without conditions or rather than people who feel responsible for you and take care of you because of those. I think we all need love without conditions, however, some people must go looking for it to get it otherwise they will never know that type of love.
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| Pic taken from https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/f8/80/94/f880949a6fe07f499e6282bdff6834c8.jpg |
I do realize that I will never have the unconditional love that parents are supposed to give, but at least I know I can change that and make it my responsibility to show - or try - it to others.
Check back for the continuation of "The Book of me, Written by You" series. - See more at: http://joannfitz.blogspot.com.au/#sthash.IShC5hpF.dpuf
Check back for the continuation of "The Book of me, Written by You" series. - See more at: http://joannfitz.blogspot.com.au/#sthash.IShC5hpF.dpuf
Check back for the continuation of "The Book of me, Written by You" series. - See more at: http://joannfitz.blogspot.com.au/#sthash.IShC5hpF.dpuf
